Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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