I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
