and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
