Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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