My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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