Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
