I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
