the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
