I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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