All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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