Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
