i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
