i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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