There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
