Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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