the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
