Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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