If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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