I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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