he wants to bone in the snuggie
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
