So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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