You can't special order awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
