Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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