I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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