So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
