The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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