took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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