Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
