If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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