I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
