I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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