Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
