Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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