Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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