Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So vagazzling was a success
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
