I've blown a few things in my day
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
