at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
