the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
