I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
