Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
