I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
