I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
