Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
