I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
