Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
