well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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