I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
