I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
