pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
