he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
