Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
