Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
