I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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