This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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