My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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