Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
