i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
