He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
