this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize