why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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