Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
