this will be a night to untag.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
