Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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