i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
