Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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