just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
