I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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