I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
