So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
