it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
