I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
