That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
