Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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