I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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