Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
