Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
