From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
